We were the lucky ones

- That’s my ex-girlfriend, Joanne. – Rachel stared astonished to Maureen – Again, you have two gay dads! The other two are Roger and Mimi. Joanne was always so perfect, she made lists on her sleep. If she needed to buy new clothes she would make a list of things she needed the most and then another one of things she wanted the most, she would compare the two lists and then go shopping. Roger can be easily compared to Grumpy from Snow White and that’s all I’m saying. – Rachel giggled. – And Mimi was very sweet and irresponsible; maybe that’s why we understood each other so much.

- I don’t understand why you are ashamed of them.

- Who said I was ashamed of them? I could never be! When I changed my name, it was because I wanted people to see me as something bigger than the actress that did performances in a tarred space where beggars hid from the cold at night. I didn’t even have the money to pay for my rent. Well, Joanne did but that bulldog named Benny wanted The Space to build that freaking cyber studio.

- And how did you come here? I mean, why did you leave a place where things happen for this nowhere land?

- Mark was more into his movies than he’d ever been. We didn’t… I no longer existed and Joanne was tired of me going out at night and coming back drunk and… I’ve hurt her in a way that she couldn’t be with me anymore. I did an audition for this play that would have tryouts in unusual places, like Ohio and maybe, just maybe it would reach Broadway. I changed my name to Shelby Corcoran because it held more self-control and professional output than Maureen Johnson ever would. The play closed in a few weeks and I was broke, I didn’t have money to go back.

Rachel knew that must have been the first time in her life she didn’t know what to say again. To be honest it was the first time she knew she should just keep her mouth shut.

- One day I saw an ad on the newspaper and your fathers kind of reminded me of Angel and Collins. That made me soft and the money was enough for me to go back to NY.

- And why didn’t you?

- I had no one there to go back to. Here I had you.

- What happened to the others?

- They died, honey. – her voice cracked at the end of the phrase.

- How…

- I will ask you again, do you know how everything was in New York in the end of the 80′s? Better, how the world was at the end of the 80′s? Mark used to say that if you were dying at the end of the millennium, you are were not alone. – Rachel once again realized that she couldn’t speak. – Angel, Collins, Mimi and Roger had AIDS. Angel was the first to leave us, then Mimi some months later, and then Roger and for last Collins, the biggest gentleman I’d ever meet. Going back to a New York without them or staying here… It was pretty much the same, but in here there was the thrill of the unknown. New York I know like the back of my hand and Lima was mystery, very small mystery.

- So why are you going back to New York, anyway?

- I need to see them again, even if it is just their graves. I need to look for Joanne, for Mark, see if they are alive. The Life Café must have closed long ago… I am your mother but you have two wonderful fathers that know everything about you, who give you water when you are upset. Even though I have a successful career, some acquaintances that come close to being friends… They were my family. I regret forcing this approximation so late; you don’t need me and I’m someone who needs to know I’m needed. You made me remember them. You made me remember that the blood is a bond that loses its power when you’ve lived a story strong enough to conquer the stages around the world with a group of… unique people.

- Coming here was clearly a mistake. – Rachel stood up, picking up her jacket from the chair. To Maureen’s eyes, it was exactly what she herself had done that day in the auditorium. – It’s too late for a second approach. On the first time, there wasn’t one of us running in slow-motion towards the other one and now we haven’t had an emotional breakdown while seeing how alike we were and deciding our lives would never be the same if we lost touch again – she opened the door and left.

- Drama Queen. – Maureen said in a low voice before she could think. Her eyes fell back on the album and she saw herself stuck between crying and laughing at the irony of this situation.